I don't want to make this my swan song but this year my blog has been lacking with passion & substance. I've got to a point that I'm feeling stifled, stagnated, under pressure and unhappy. In the years I've run my blog it has transitioned from a blog I started to share my wishlists, music, other blogs I loved, fashion, mental health and of course my beauty journey except it has now gone in a direction that makes me not even want to blog I can't even bother blogging.
It's just another beauty blog.
As beauty blogging started to become the thing from about 2010 onwards the community changed. As things do, they evolve, like I wanted the blog to do, businesses also take notice, people find careers, friends and a hobby. I use to live on Twitter, I enjoyed talking to people with common interests and now I'd be lucky if I even glance towards it. I'm not putting myself on any pedestal but just the attitude and underlining's of some other bloggers puts me off being associated. Maybe I'm just not much of a social networking person (since MySpace), nor much of a in the flesh person socialiser neither.
Ever so grateful for the opportunities & recognition I have been given with running the blog & the people I have connected with, some I'm lucky enough to call a friend. It makes me smile when people tweet me and say "I started my blog because of you!" (It could also mean, girl whatever you are doing it's wrong, lemme show you how!!) or "I enjoy reading your blog, it makes me work harder on mine." That there makes it worthwhile knowing that people feel that way about what I do.
Except, I feel it's been a lie the last 6-8 months. I got greedy and ahead of myself.
I turned my back on what made my blog that to me, something I enjoyed reading too. I deleted old posts that didn't look 'professional' to companies who would want to look at my blog. I blogged nearly everyday from when I started and in my archives there's hardly anything that represented that or me!!
A couple of weeks ago I did an online interview for Cosmopolitan UK, they were talking to last years Cosmo Blog Awards winners and one of the questions put to me in the original question format sent to me was "You’ve shifted focus from just beauty on your blog. Why is that?" I sat and revisited that question for a few days, asking myself What did she mean? maybe it has become more review based & less about my beauty but to me this blog has never been soley beauty, I never intended it to be.
It was just my space to occupy my time, find myself, document a journey. A journey of a 20 year old woman, who is now facing a different life than the one she previously lived. Shameless in what I have to share, for those who are suffering in silence but at the same time want to live a normal life & have a career minus the issues going on in their heads. Share a life & love without all the bullshit!
I lost that journey.
There will always be some shit going on, there will always be people you will not like the intentions of, people will use and abuse you for their own sake & sometimes you will lose your way and be swept in with the crowd.
There's a few ways to recover the lost journey, continue until I find my way or turn back to before I got lost or just sit and bitch.
Let's turn back and start again,
Hi, I'm LaaLaa! Currently 25 years old, bi-racial, only child vegetarian bordering on overweight with an animal obsession & Costa hot chocolate addiction. Self-taught in make-up until I attended AOFM in January 2012. I suffer from manic depression and anxiety which is probably the biggest challenge in my life to live with. It's hard for my family to deal with, this illness that's just been smacked into our faces & it's frustrating for me to live with. It's a lonely place for people to not know the extent of how bad it is even my close friends don't know the true extent & feeling cos I lie, I lie to be normal.
Make-up become a big part of my life in late 2008. That's one of a few reasons why the blog was born, it was my own space. Interests include reading, looking after my own miniature farm, cleaning (yes, cleaning), listening to music, does cheese include as an interests? History, Egyptology, Greekology and Criminology with a sick obsession with South Park & The Office US-(might border on unhealthy). There's a lot to me that's been under a rock that needs lifting and showing I'm more than this! An old friend of mines mum once described me as 'A real eccentric with eclectic taste!' I think that's a cool way to live.
I'm socially awkward. Never use to be, now I truly am.
This blog is about me and I will limit over time the reviews, while I find a fair balance between make-up looks,natural beauty, nail, videos & general posts. I want to be able to fall in love again and some may not like where it's going back to but we all have to do things to make ourselves happier.
Maybe this is a swan song to the unhappy setting, I'm going to be having a clear out and doing what I want & need to do to be content!
Hope you continue on the journey with me xo