It can be one of the inevitable pains that we go through, glowing up after a breakup is a silver lining to this heart wrenching experience. It's scientifically described as post-traumatic growth but glow-up sounds much more glamorous! The process, maybe not so much. The results are always worth it but you've got to stick out the process to get there. A breakup is similar to physical pain in the brain, adding the glow up struggles to become a better you can be daunting.
It's not a wasted effort if done for you and the right reasons - it's not about the ex or anyone else. It's all about YOU! This glow up means you have transformed both internally and externally after the end of a relationship. Not only have you healed, learned your worth and working on being the best version of you, you'll feel and look gorgeous! We want to see the physical, emotional, mental and financial glow up.
Babes, things are about to be better than before, breakups suck but we are turning that into something sweet & amazing for you!
Emotions
This is where we feel the pain, the heartbreak that leads us to not want to do anything but cry, the feeling of loss. Something has ended where before our emotions for the most part were on a high, we are never prepared for a break-up but I hope that a few of these points can help the emotionally journey back to strength! And remember it's ok, to not feel ok some days!Feel the Emotions
Glow-ups have zero shortcuts. It'll all be smoke and mirrors and at the end of the day, you'll get nowhere within yourself and the cycle will still be there. Without going through the process you'll never experience all the feels of the journey. They'll be a range of emotions with each stage but as you go through them, you'll feel and notice the growth and others will probably begin to comment but remember this is your journey.The attachment you had with your ex won't just fade overnight, you had a whole relationship with this person and you need to go through the breakup stages before you can start fresh and rebuild. - Experiences only make us wiser and stronger if we choose to learn from them.
Change Your Beliefs
Those negative thoughts that we are continuously telling ourselves, that we don't deserve more, whatever happened to you was well deserved, you're stupid, a failure. You're limiting your beliefs by telling yourself lies. You need to figure out the why to the situation. Find understanding to begin to heal, not to make those mistakes again and feel better. Ask yourself:What are you scared of?
Why did you stay when you felt mistreated and undervalued?
Do you think you deserved the treatment?
What would you tell a friend who was in the same situation?
Are you sure that person will be the only one?
Be honest with your answers! This isn't meant to be easy as personal growth never is, you need to take a deep look at why you do and think certain things and begin to work on those areas. You could be scared to put yourself in certain positions but ask yourself why? Is it the thought of failing? Being taken advantage of? What led you to this train of thought?
Check Your Priorities
Don't mistake feeling the feels as wallowing constantly - you won't get nowhere constantly doing that. Do not make this break-up your life's theme! Each step is the process! Keep an eye on what you have set your eyes on - the goal of glowing up!It's personal development not V for Vendetta. Yes, we always want to have them feel the hurt we are feeling but those feelings will fade and the hate will subside gradually. And just because they disappear it doesn't meant that the goal needs to be ended! Those feelings won't be what will carry you through, so setting your priorities and goals from the onset will increase your odds at seeing this through to the end goal!
Do a Self-assessment
Here's another way to improve the relationship with yourself by doing personal reflection. It is a good way to start, searching what and where things went wrong. Not just what your ex did, but what could you have done differently yourself! Reconsider what it is that you're looking for from your life, a future relationship and why? How would you go about reaching for these goals? What will you stand for? What are your limits?Learn to Respect Yourself - Always
Breakups have there way of being an eye opener to how you allowed your respect and confidence to be violated and diminished, things we never would of tolerated before became a way of living. You may feel you're doing worse than before you was in this relationship. Unfortunately the after effects of living through a toxic relationship is another heartbreak of realisation. Point is, you need to forgive yourself, for whatever reason, don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself!
Moving onto a self-respecting mind shift. You can forgive and begin rebuilding and having self-respect. Going back to point two, where you need to shift those negative lies you feed yourself about yourself. Stop name-calling or believing those negative words/inputs that your ex said because it's not you! The longer you think that way, the more power you're giving your ex. That's them having power to control your life without being around! Learn to trust your thoughts and choose self-respect over self-destruction. We are our thoughts, we begin to manifest them into our lives.
“Your sense of self-worth comes from you alone — never the opinion of others.” ─ Robert Green
Leave the Misery Bubble
So...the pity party is now over! Ok there might be some day where we might still feel to have one but we need to get out of that buble as much as possible and remember there's much more going on that'll take our mind off things, cause us to laugh and have fun!Your friends if they're truly down for you and how you're feeling, they'll probably will be up to find ways to keep your spirits up and no doubt want to throw you a f*ck boy party but you'll probably find having fun, is the last thing you want to do and like you're betraying yourself feelings of mourning. But your tribe is your vibe, they will help you to forget even if it's just going out for lunch or a games night in.
Declutter Your Relationships
Delete, throw, shred - whatever! Now this can be looked at in two ways, throwing away remiences of your relationship to start fresh, no reminders. Even just decluttering your environment of anything can prove beneficial to your needs. When I tidy up and have things organised, I feel so much better and relaxed.
It can also serve as a point of detaching yourself from others. You want to glow-up, grow, be in a different mindset, continuing to carry what no longer serves you, will only continue to drag you down.
There are people who are around you but they're what I like to refer to as energy vampires, as they get increased energy from others but leaves others also drained and exhausted of energy. You need to pick wisely who you keep in your surroundings, if you know that 3 of your friends are a certain way in situations, it's ok to not invite them into your space. Respect your boundaries.
BLOCK YOUR EX! I know, this'll be hard because naturally we want to see how they're coping, what they're doing, we look at our phone nearly every minute in the hopes they've contacted us but babe, if they haven't yet, they aren't likely to do it! And by the time they do, it probably won't even matter anymore cos you're living your post-breakup best life.
Physical
When we look good, we feel good! It's the honest truth. We feel more confident to be seen, to go out and put ourselves out there! Some of the physical aspects might not be the quickest or the easiest but they'll form long-term healthy habits.The Revenge Body
There's the debate whether a revenge body is a good or bad thing as people view it as doing it for the wrong reasons - which yes it's true but if you can turn that motivation into a lifetime habit then it's a good thing. Taking a negative situation and making it positive! We aren't doing it to make the ex jealous, we are doing it to feel better for ourselves. Those endorphins that exercise releases are a bonus. It reduces our perception of pain and triggers a positive feeling. So it's more get moving, to look good, feel good!
& if the ex feels like shit and weeps over the savage babe they've just lost, it won't hurt!
When you complete a workout, the sense of accomplishment you feel - while trying to get your breath back - especially when you didn't feel to work out in the first place but you pushed through and proved you can do this and you feel good that you did it.
There's so many fitness channel on YouTube now; my favourites are Chloe Ting, Vicky Justiz, Janekate Fitness, Kelly Gale, Lilly Sabri, Yoga with Adriene, Pamela Reif & Heather Robertson has an amazing free 12week programme, it's all at home with little equipment exercises.
Healthier Diet
I'm not a nutritionist and when going through hardships, we all want that comfort food & to pig out, in bed or on the sofa watching Netflix but too much junk food can induce feelings of depression. I'm not saying cut it out completely - we are all about balance. But trying a healthier eating habit, making sure we are drinking enough water to keep our system flushed out. We want to have the energy to work out and continue to feel better. When I introduced myself to juicing, I never looked back. I get so much of my vitamins and nutrients in just a glass of juice. Even doing a detox for 3 days can reset your body.Beauty Glow Up
No doubt the easiest part of the guide, especially if you love beauty! Trying new hairstyles, make-up techniques, clothing styles, skincare routine - ah it's endless and a YouTube search and click away tbh! Finding a style that'll become signature to you, will have you feeling more confident and at ease with yourself.We know the whole saying that when a woman cuts/ changes her hair, she's making changes to her life and that could possibly be true but lets not be hasty with it, if you're anything like me a drastic cut could have you weeping for days. Give it a lot of thought but maybe try a new hair colour or technique before doing a big chop.
I like Sagonia's YouTube channel, she does quick beauty tricks to try and her videos aren't long-winded & straight to the point.
Times like this calls for extra self-care, we don't want to slack on this as prevention is better than cause, we still want to appear put together even if we don't look it. Set aside time where you can dedicate time for an at home spa time or even better if you can afford it, take yourself to one - pamper yourself. It can be as simple as a facial, getting your mani-pedi or your eyebrows done.
Mental
This is how we can level up our knowledge, mindset and to become a person who, doesn't give a f*ck unless it really matters!Reignite Your Passion
Remember what you loved to do before? It ended up being shelved and collected dust. Now whatever that passion you had before, you are going to light that spark to reignite the passion for it again, why? Because this is the time to being again and pour that energy back into everything. What was it that excited you? Could of been anything such as that book you started to write, that business you thought to start. You have so much extra time that this can become your new partner, of course don't let it overwhelm your life because soon you'll want to jump back into the dating pool but before you do - think of all this independence you're gaining, it's fxcking empowering babe!
Remember...
'If it's important you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.'
And guess what? It is important, so we don't have an excuse!
So ask yourself these Q...
What used to excite you the most?
What did you want to learn?
What kind of future did you envision?
That is what you're going to aim towards.
Set small achievable goals Daily
Those things you've always said I need to do more of, lets start a breakup glow up checklist. Yup, that I want to eat healthier, have one meat free day a week, drink more water, learn a new word a day, take vitamins...whatever it is, those small goals turn into habits!Take online courses
Self-development, it's empowering, it's sexy, it's intelligent and it helps you to grow. Ok, so above we spoke about reigniting a passion, how about broadening your knowledge or adding more to that passion to expand on it.Websites like Coursera and Open University (they had free courses), or learn a new language? Not only will you feel as though you're pushing yourself in a good new direction, it'll help with your C.V. You're possibly also benefiting those other areas in your life.
Practice daily affirmations & Journaling
I wrote a post about this before. But just jotting down daily all our thoughts, focusing on the positives rather than the negatives as it might not seem as though we have many but it could of been that one t.v. show that made you laugh, appreciate that!It can take a lot of those thoughts from your mind, sometimes when I do it, I get those thoughts and feelings out and forget, it amazes me how much I don't focus on much of what was on my mind afterwards. People talk about it as new-age spirituality but it's like keeping a diary and that's not new age. It keeps you self-aware of how you are feeling and even if those sentences don't make sense, just dump it onto those pages, take a deep breath and relax. Subconscious journaling is a non critical way, just write and flow...try it!
Finances
When we look good, we feel good! It's the honest truth. We feel more confident to be seen, to go out and put ourselves out there! Some of the physical aspects might not be the quickest or the easiest but they'll form long-term healthy habits.Secure & Save
Turn those tears into £££ & $$$!
You've now seized your independence. Independent women are forever learners, whether it's reading financial books, seminars/webinars or even online resources that offer you the information on money and investing.
Pay attention to what is happening in the financial world - but always be careful who you learn from! Learn from people who are active in the field you're looking or are already in.
What is it that you want to achieve financially? And set a simple plan - keep it clear and concise.
Put at least 20% of your monthly salary in a savings account. An option is follow them 50-30-20 budget method to sort out your spending.
50% - necessities, such as bills, food, petrol
30% - socialising, makeup, clothes etc
20% - savings
If you want to try and save some more, try using browser extensions such as honey. It tells me if an item has gone down or up within 30 days & discount codes. Karma is a good one, you know when you see something and say to yourself - yeah when it drops in price, I'll get that but forget about it - that's me!
Karma let's you save an item and then tells you when it's gone down. Plus you can send it to friends and family, for those 'I don't know what to get you moments'.
Reward
When you make small wins, pat yourself on the back - treat yourself. Whatever that is, it could be that your lifestyle change is going well and you want to reward yourself with a pizza - do it! That new eyeshadow palette you wanted - get it!If our brain sees that we are rewarded for things, we are more likely to stick to it because we know if it keeps going forward positively, they'll be a reward but the ultimate prize? Getting your best life back!
Babes, this is all for you and you can do it! Believe me, I've been there & it's not overnight. When you're on that otherside and looking back, you'll thank yourself for the journey and be proud of where you are now. Good luck!
