What Just Happened?

Friday, November 16, 2012


I contemplated discussing this for a while but when do I ever shy away from things?

I travelled into London to go to an event, I arranged to meet someone and while waiting a man came up to me I had my earphones in and I only caught some of the sentence. He asked me where a specific road was, I answered him - sorry I don't know. He started to walk away but turned back and asked me for my name, I ignored him as I wasn't interested, he then got his phone and put it to my face and proceeded to tell me to give him my number and I'm going to come to a party with him and his friend - he was alone at the time. That aggravated me as it was very unnecessary for him to do that so I said to him 'No, just f*** off!' which got him heated ' Well f*** you, you hoe!' I just thought wow, okay not needed. It left me feeling a little uncomfortable, I'm standing alone and waiting and this guy is copping an attitude towards me while on his phone.

Nearly an hour waiting, the person I was meeting didn't turn up..I decided to go ahead and try and find the event location. My phone was on the verge of dying, I'm lugging around bags and I stopped by a wall to text a good friend to inform her my phones about to die, I might have to go home just as I sent that, my phone dies and I get a hand in-between my legs, shocked I turn around and it's the guy from earlier with his friend. He recalled our earlier altercation and said to me I am going to come to a party with him and his friend. At this moment, my mind is running 100 miles per hour with thoughts of 'what ifs?' ... the only thing I could think was, if I don't move now, I'm never going to move. Not knowing if my legs were going to be strong enough to go or just be jelly an buckle underneath me...I used my bags to help push him out the way and I continued to run.

Alone, no phone, miles from home. All I wanted to do was get home and just feel safe.
Shock set in and I spent my evening on auto-pilot. I didn't want to think what happened to me, I know I felt violated and like a worthless piece of meat. Just there for the taking!

Not until I told my mum the next day did I have a huge cry, let it all out. The Ice Queen had melted. I didn't go to the police, another thing swept under the rug. It's nothing serious to them. I felt ashamed I got myself into that situation, the blame game had begun.

Unfortunately to say, this isn't something that's unusual for me. It's an unfortunate recurrence. If it's not a man inappropriately groping, being degrading or physically trying to remove me from where I am because they are not getting what they want it happens.

I've noticed that when I've mentioned this to male friends, the reactions have been varied some find it quite humorous and dismiss it as banter / light hearted fun. It makes me wonder, are those the types to watch out for? The ones who find it to not be something serious? Others were shocked with responses of 'why is it always you?'

It might always be me to them but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Ladies, what I'm saying is, this is not banter nor light hearted fun. It's a violation, nobody should feel they have the right to touch or disrespect us because they're not getting what they want. There's a lot of events happening daily by 5pm it's dark. Be prepared (know where your going, maps, phone fully charged etc.), meet with someone you know and rely on if you can.

I actually carry an alarm on me, I've had one for years but I got to the point where I stopped carrying it with me, unfortunately I do need to travel a bit lighter as I do carry everything but the kitchen sink and I even have an on the go charger as I never want to be put in that predicament again.

Be safe.

- Update : Thank you for your supportive words and RTs. I'm sorry for others who have had to go through something similar like this too. We must look out for each other more if possible especially with attending events and really think ahead, don't look upon it as being negative or it's too much hassle, your safety isn't a negative thing.

44 Comments

  1. Oh my God, this is horrible :( I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't understand how in any sense people think that doing this is okay. And anyone finding it amusing or 'banter' should really get their heads checked. Please don't blame yourself for it happening (I know that's easier said than done), there are some disgusting people in this world and something like this is never deserved. xx

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    1. Hey Milly love, thanks for your comment. Yes, indeed, I'm finding that people's behaviour is becoming very brave and their taking more risks. I did find the males varied reactions quite shocking - shows you never know someone's character 100%. Thanks for your sweet words xo

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  2. This is horrible and I wanna beat the mofo!!!! People are so disgusting but I am so happy and relieved you SAFE!!! I wanted to cry reading this. I hope Karma comes back to get him and I carry pepperspray! LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!!

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    1. Oh baby boo! Love you. My mum read my mind that she knew I would carry a knife and told me before I even mentioned it not to carry one. Pepper spray is something I do need to get. Mwah xo

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  3. Wow I hope you are ok? This is happening more and more now, and there seems to be a level of disrespect towards women that is escalating. A lot of men think women are 'fair game' now and general assaults of this nature are rising at an alarming rate. I am glad you ran, never stop to fight. It angers me that people ask why you, well why anyone! Be safe xx

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    1. I am, thank you. This happened a few weeks ago but I decided it's something I should share, especially with it getting darker later and things like this are definitely on the rise. It's true, I'm not the only one at all, it's unfortunate I do come across these moments quite a bit but I know I'm not the only one, it could be anyone God forbid but it's something that people need to know it's real and happening. Just because it's not an altercation people deem horrendous it really still is. xo

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  4. eurgh this is awful! disgusts how people think they can act like this and get away with it. I've had experiences similar and it really makes you doubt humanity, glad your okay xx

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    1. Agreed. I'm sorry you've had to deal with something similar as it's not nice and if your a person like me who bottles emotins up which is something I've been learning to stop doing, it makes it worse! Your own space isn't respected anymore, once some men feel their pride has been wounded xo

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  5. So sorry to read this..Stay safe hun..xoxoxo

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    1. Oh thanks honey, don't worry I have been on high alert and I hope other women will be too xo

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  6. Oh my god that's fucking scary ! Hope you're okay ! I've had similiar things happen to mr and its not nice and told male friends about it and they haven't understood and just dismissed it as banter which is horrible as its not a very nice experience

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    1. It's all scary from it happening and when others dismiss it as just banter, like I said it makes me wonder, if they deem this behaviour acceptable, do they behave like that towards other women or even wish they could?! I'm sorry you have had to deal with that cos it's something that's very real and scary! xo

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  7. This is so awful! I'm so sorry that this happened to you but I'm glad you're okay. I've been in a situation like this once before, that was unprovoked and got quite physical. I felt the same way thinking it was something I'd done to cause it but some people just can't take no for an answer. Very brave of you to share this, keep safe! :) xo

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    1. Sarirah, thanks for your comment. Terrible, really is. You stand up for yourself but it seems they really cannot take no for an answer it's true. I do feel if I didn't move, something more could of happened but I wasn't going to wait around to find out. I'm sorry you have had to go through this situation too. xo

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  8. Gosh..I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What an awful thing for anyone to have to go through. We all have to be safe and try to think ahead of the "game". The world we live in has some crazy opportunists! Stay safe lovely & thanks for sharing xoxo

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    1. Definitely, thinking ahead is the key. I know it might not be something people think of when their setting out but as scary as it is, this is happening and alone or with others, still be just as prepared. Be safe too and no problem xo

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  9. You're so brave sharing this experience and I'm so sorry it happened to you. Likewise similar things have happened to me more than once and male friends very rarely understand.

    I totally understand why you didn't go to the police- I only have once and that time I was pressured into it. However they gave me a very useful, very small personal alarm. It's on a key ring and is small enough for me to attach to the lining of my coat sleeve and hold in the palm of my hand when I'm walking home alone. It's not bulky at all and I manage to fit it in even my smallest handbag. You might want to consider asking your local force if they have anything similar :)

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    1. Lauren, thanks ever so much for your comment and it's one for everyone to read and to know that it's a possibility to also get an alarm if needed. It's sad when male friends rarely understand.

      Sorry you've been through an ordeal like this too. I'm proud that you went to the police, pressured or not. It's a shame I've read they don't do much in these cases but I do like the fact that they gave you a personal alarm, mine is quite big that could go on my keys but as I said it large but effective, although one that can attach onto your coat and discreetly fits into your hand is perfect. Your information has been valuable, keep safe :) xo

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  10. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to read this hun!
    The world us becoming a far wicked place. No matter how uncomfortable someone tries to make another person feel, we all have a right to protect our bodies.
    Wishing you all the best and stay safe my love.
    LiLi Xx

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    1. What's going on now sometimes it's hard to find the good in the world, it's there but so much wicked is arising daily, it's becoming as natural as breathing. Our personal spaces should never be invaded and we shouldn't feel as if we are worthless, we must keep safe :) xo

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  11. This is awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I can imagine how frightening it must have been. In that sort of situation, you never know what could happen - or what could have happened. Good on you for running. This kind of behaviour is not ok at all, and is far too aggressive and intimidating to be 'banter'. It makes me sick that some men think this is ok.
    So glad you managed to get away when you did and that you're safe.
    Mel xx

    melswallofmirrors.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Exactly. My mind really did run through all these possibilities it was a now or never moment. All I can say is thank God for the bags I had on me as it helped to put a wedge in between me and him and give me that extra push. The worst thing that could of happened was them grab me back. Thankfully I managed to get away!
      Definitely, things are now just being considered banter when there's such a huge difference between banter and being a sex pest in my eyes.
      Keep safe and thank you for your comment xo

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  12. WOW, that is just awful! I can't even imagine how terrible & violated I would feel if this were to happen to me. I really applaud your bravery in running because I don't know how I would react. Nice job Laalaa :)

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    1. Trust me, you don't want to feel it but of course just keep preventing this stuff from ever happening. I know now I would play the whole situation out differently in future. Thank you ever so much for your comment xo

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  13. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to read this hun!
    The world us becoming a far wicked place. No matter how uncomfortable someone tries to make another person feel, we all have a right to protect our bodies.
    Wishing you all the best and stay safe my love.
    LiLi Xx

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  14. Oh my gosh that's awful. Think I would have murdered him! Gosh! Can't imagine how scared you must have been though, glad you managed to get away safely and you weren't physically hurt.

    Stay safe lovely

    Lola xx

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    1. Thanks Lola! Oh gosh trust me, at times I can be such a hot tempered person but once in the situation, it's like ok, damn wtf! Yet I'm shocked at how 'common' this is becoming. Thank you, stay safe too! xo

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  15. Omg thats awful hun you must be in shock I know I would have gone into such a panic its only after that you normally realise what you have just been through you should defently tell the police next time though hun even if they don't do anything half the time it's still not right what that man did to you.

    pocockins.blogspot.com
    Sophie
    xx

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  16. amazing post!

    I have not personally gone through anything of the similar nature (thank god)but I think that is because I ignore everything when I am out. I know it's bad, but if someone even tries to speak to me I ignore them. Never talk to strangers my mother said, unless it's an old lady who needs help then you speak. When guys ask for directions I don't respond because I know once I do, they then want to ask other questions. It's as if you have got the ball rolling by speaking so I just never let the ball roll.

    Also swearing, even if it's not at them but in a sentence, that just aggravated them so I never even yell back fuck off or shut up because I have heard stories of girls being beaten for it. My mouth is zipped, head down, keep walking and head out of the area.


    xx

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  17. I remember this day. I'm so sorry to hear this. NO man should ever do this!!! No/Leave me alone means just that. I'm always paranoid when I'm out at night. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  18. You seem to downplay it even when you write about it here. Even being in your personal space is enough for a guy to be doing the wrong thing. I think things like this happen to a lot of girls but they think of it as 'not serious' because it isn't rape. It's still a violation. I'm glad you made a place for this post amongst all the beauty on your blog xx

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  19. Oh honey, so sorry to hear abt this. Hope u r well. Thank goodness u managed to escape, when I saw e first photo I wasn't sure whether to continue or not coz I was already frightened&shivering coz I didn't know what I was gon hear next. So glad u well, remain brave&may e Lord continue to fight for u&protect u always. *hugs*

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  20. It's actually shocking that people think it's okay to act like this, when it isn't. You are not an object for the taking, and the fact that there are men who dismiss this as "banter" worries me. I hope you're ok! This is why I'm paranoid about walking home from work during Winter because it gets so dark and you never know who's around x

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  21. Oh you poor thing! I hope that you're alright now and I'm glad that you managed to escape from it. You're so brave to be sharing this experience with us all and I really admire you for it <3 Have a good weekend! x

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  22. Very sorry to hear about your experience. Kisses & hugs xxx

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  23. That is absolutely disgusting! All girls should at least be in twos. So horrible people (mainly men) think this is acceptable! Hope you're ok and you're so brave getting yourself out of the situation!

    http://www.la-vida-fresa.com xo

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  24. That's a scary experience, I'm sorry to hear you went through it. It's not in the least funny...I don't understand how some people can dismiss it as banter, I mean wtf?? Over a year ago my sister was attacked just a block away from our house, and until now, she nor I feel safe when we're walking around somewhere by our lonesome and it's after 6pm. Hope you always remain safe! xo

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  25. You know what I think about this as we have discussed it before. All I can say is that despite a disgusting, horrific and horrible experience you are wonderful for blogging about this as it raises awareness and means we all that to be extra alert for things like this happening, as it is on the increase unfortunately. I dont know what is wrong with these "men" that makes them think this is acceptable or in good humour. I am so glad you are okay now after such an awful experience. Love you to bits xxxxxxxxx

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  26. jeesh I'm so sorry to hear about that happened to you. Easier said than done I know but try not to blame yourself. This is all on that scumbag - nothing is your fault.

    God forbid, but if anything like this happens again - always tell the police. And if they try to brush it under the rug complain. The police are there to do a job and make sure you are safe. Especially in somewhere such as London where the chances are this was all captured on CCTV.

    Oh and tell your male friends how offensive their comments about this being "banter" is. The more we do as women to change mens mindsets with this sort of thing - hopefully the less it will happen.

    *Huge hugs* <3

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  27. that is horrible! there are all kinds of people and i thank my lucky stars i have never been in such a situation (i live in London and have only had good experiences).

    Dont know if anyone commented on this earlier but...

    I took a self defense class once and it was not what i expected. It focused a lot on how to use your voice and body language to show potential threats that you are not an easy target. it also focused on how to be more aware of your surroundings and when to spot and avoid shady people. only the very last part was physical self defense. if this sort of thing happens to you a lot (could be you are just out to a lot of events in areas that it happens in) you should consider attending a similar class. I definitely learned a lot and it made me feel a lot safer when i was out by myself.

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  28. What a creep! I can totally relate to this. I have weird people ask me things and come up to me all the time and most the time i keep walking or give them a look that normally means they back off but it can be so scary when your on your own with no phone and outnumbered. We really do need to look out for each other more, if someone looks like this is happening to them go up to them and pretend you know them. I once walked up to this girl and said 'oh there you are come on the boy's are over here' She looked so relieved and it was enough for this guy to leave her alone.

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  29. Most importantly, I am SO so sorry this happened to you. :hugs: The worst part is that it's part of what many people call "rape culture". Many people (espeically men) don't see what's wrong with that scenario. They don't see how terrifying it is for women to be alone outside when a strange man (who refuses to understand how boundaries work) decides to violate you. It's just something they'll never have to deal with.

    Next time... PLEASE, please call the cops. Even if you have to go inside a shop to do so. You can never know how far he might take it with the next poor girl who "pisses him off" by saying no.

    Also, self defense classes. You deserve to feel safe and less afraid after something like this.

    :hugs again and I hope you never have to deal with this again:

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  30. Most importantly, I am SO so sorry this happened to you. :hugs: The worst part is that it's part of what many people call "rape culture". Many people (espeically men) don't see what's wrong with that scenario. They don't see how terrifying it is for women to be alone outside when a strange man (who refuses to understand how boundaries work) decides to violate you. It's just something they'll never have to deal with.

    Next time... PLEASE, please call the cops. Even if you have to go inside a shop to do so. You can never know how far he might take it with the next poor girl who "pisses him off" by saying no.

    Also, self defense classes. You deserve to feel safe and less afraid after something like this.

    :hugs again and I hope you never have to deal with this again:

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  31. I cannot believe that happened to you. Disgusting. I don't know where men get off thinking that it is okay to treat people like that. I hope you are okay! x

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